The Esoteric Grimoire

 I haven't gotten too far into foraging, but it seems like even just in my literal yard, of the things that I already find very easy to identify, I have purple dead nettle, dandelions, and wild onions. I put some purple dead nettles in my pasta today, not super noticeable but nice to have a little extra green. (I know, I've never been a big fan of eating leaves, but putting a little in my pasta doesn't change much and makes me feel like I'm being a little healthier). I could probably use a spoon in lieu of a trowel to aid in the digging up of wild onions.

I tried to find some garlic mustard at Lake Artimesia that someone on an app identified at some point, but I didn't find it, and people on Pokemon Go have started being obnoxious about the gyms there (e.g., kicking people out after less than 10 min. even when they're in every other gym and this is the only one your color), so that was a bit of a bummer. I made 3 Pokemon run today in different directions, and nothing I got in today paid off. (I'm still in the aquatic gardens from last week and that's it.) I guess everyone's hitting parks harder because it's the only place we can really go?

 This is what I've got so far:

We're listening to an unedited recording session between cyborg Woody Guthrie and his producer/spymaster Moe Asch. Woody's been continually rescheduling the session to take impulsive and sometimes reckless action in response to things the evil fascist corporation (we're in a sort of semi-apocalyptic Dust Bowl situation in an '80s-esque corporate dystopia) has been doing, and Moe's been patient, but Woody's music is an important arm of their rebel work, reaching and resonating with people (and cyborgs) across the country and potentially lasting for centuries. Woody wants to go punch some fascists and get instant gratification; Moe turned on the equipment because we're gonna record today, damnit, and remember why Woody's music -- and Moe's own role in transmitting and archiving Woody's work -- matters. But as Moe tries to get Woody to knuckle down, he realizes there's something beneath Woody's view of heroism that's keeping him "too busy" to record: something about this song that he's more afraid to face than killer robots and threats of disassembly.

 I don't really think I'll have a pitch in time for the podcast, but it doesn't hurt to think about ideas:

Something with calling into a radio advice show. Probably relationship advice? The first idea that came to mind was a unicorn calling in, because I had that vague idea about a unicorn trying online dating, but it could also be the unicorn giving the advice (or there could be no unicorn involved at all).

The Basement Tapes of Cyborg Woody Guthrie. Probably Woody and Moe, maybe dealing with the idea of legacy with Moe as a sort of archivist and Woody having the kind of ego that needs that to give him an audience? This would probably be a more compelling idea if I had already finished the full-length and someone liked it, but it could possibly go the other way around if I could actually make it good on its own and generate interest for the full-length.




Something with sports on the radio just because I think it's pretty weird that people listen to sports. But I have no idea what you'd do with that.
A morning show; an obnoxious shock-jock kind of show; news, weather, and/or traffic updates; NPR-esque interview segment; something very college radio?

 I'm trying to get back into Lie Back and one thing I'm wondering is if Terrence could be the one who fixates on the mystery the most, rather than Leela? Leela could still be the recipient of the vibrator, but she doesn't necessarily have to be the keystone of the mystery plotline?

I'm not super sure on this, but I'm feeling like if I'm going to have a thread about her writing fanfic (which has to be her in terms of the impact of the most "pure" aroace member of the group writing sexual content) and the mystery, that seems like maybe too many threads for the one character, when Terrence and Grace don't have as much an overarching plot thread? It seems like it makes more sense for Terrence than for Grace, in terms of Terrence and Leela both being a bit strange socially in a way that fixates on things, and Terrence specifically is very analytical and I think it would make sense that he's confronted with a problem and he feels driven to find the solution. I don't think it would be in-character for Grace, like she would be more likely to be more direct about either letting it go or treating it as a silly thing they just do for fun. And it seems less interesting that way than getting there at the end.

 I've been thinking about clothes and how I like thrifting and getting new clothes that I really like and that feel "my style" but I also don't want to just accumulate a ton of clothes. And it occurred to me that an are for upgrade might be sweaters? (Also the black button down I recently thrifted seemed perfect but is a little baggy, so maybe that too.) I love comfy sweaters, the coziness, the ease, and I do wear them regularly, but a lot of mine are kind of boring. I love the green one that has a gradient vibe, and the short-sleeve gray one Barbara gave me that has an interesting texture and neckline. The beaded one I keep in Shaker is perfect for Christmas. But some of my most-worn ones are like... a soft red sweater, no interested texture or cut or details. Maybe it's hard to find more interesting, but honestly I don't always look much at sweaters when thrifting and I should.

 I'm wondering if there are things I should be doing besides trying to write these plays, which doesn't seem to get far, and I reread THE DEMON YOU KNOW today for an application where I had to identify 3 areas for improvement, and there are lots of areas for improvement, and if just feels like the whole 'a play is never finished, it's abandoned' this is too real, and it's really pretty futile? Even if you finish it and keep drafting and drafting, it's never going to be what you want it to be. And my experience with production hasn't been good. So what even is the goal? I guess to make something I'm proud of, or to have fun making something, or ideally both.

But I run into it a lot that like... if I'm not working, and I'm trying not to do Flying V work all the time either, when I don't have stuff I want to do out somewhere or with someone, when I'm not couponing or running around playing Pokemon Go... what do I do if not try to write? When I don't have jobs to apply to?

If I'm not feeling like writing is an important thing I do, what is? Am I just a person who doesn't have any personal motivation and putzes around when I'm not at work? But that never feels good to me, it's not satisfying, I feel unproductive and sad when I look back at a weekend like that. I want to feel like I do something. But maybe there's something that should be besides writing? Or maybe I should be writing some totally other kind of thing, like some kind of freelancey nonfiction something that could build a different type of resume?

I like working on things with someone, like the text adventure with Xavid, but I can't just do that when I want to if other people don't want to.

I guess I'm just feeling pretty aimless these days.

 I used to think "A Talk With George" and the idea of "what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" were inspiring. Now, I'm not really sure why. Why would it be inspiring to know that some rich white guy who didn't have to work for a living did lots of interesting and random things? It's a great song, don't get me wrong. I remember listening to it on a De Lijn bus in Flanders. I guess it feels different when you're in the middle of an adventure, and when you're in a place in your life where it feels like you can just do random crazy things because you want to. You, like George Plimpton, can wander around collecting unusual experiences. And maybe I should be finding a way to feel like that when I'm not literally wandering around, when unusual opportunities aren't presented to me. I do have free time, just not to that degree or with that kind of financial independence. But I guess it was the "A Talk With George" logic that made it seem like I should write and record a punk album for my 27th birthday, like that was somehow a reasonable expectation of myself and ultimately worthwhile. And it, like many other things, didn't happen.

But today, I looked up the Mary Oliver poem. I guess I always assumed the only thing that "what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" could mean is roughly "Don't live another day unless you make it count." Life is short and we're gonna pressure you to do something extraordinary with it. Whatever you do, you're probably wasting a lot of time. But in an inspirational way. You should be doing something great and impressive and unique because life is short and precious and you don't want to waste it.

But I don't think that's what she's saying; in fact, she might be saying the opposite:

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

It seems to me that she's being a bit snarky, saying, 'what are you doing that is so great that you should judge me for strolling through the fields?' Can't a wild and precious life be spent "idle and blessed" as much as fighting bulls and hanging out with famous people and throwing parties?  But then again, I'm not spending a ton of time strolling the fields, either. Not as much as I'd like. And it seems like Mary Oliver didn't have to spend much time in the capitalist machine, since she somehow was able to support herself as a poet. 

I don't have a point. Jackie is pretty into Mary Oliver, and so is John Green, and I'm just thinking. I don't have any plans for my life. I'm not making it count. I'm not sure if the concept makes sense to me anymore. But maybe it can still be wild and precious in a different way. Maybe there's a different path through the fields. I don't know.

 ... it's possible that I don't remember what Grace's and Terrence's arcs are, or what they should be in the new outline.
kind of a problem

Terrence is trying to live vicariously through Carmen's romantic experiences; he wants to understand that kind of love. In the FB stalking scene he goes to kiss her and that's his biggest scene. It starts because he was going to kiss the guy without intent, but then it felt like what's the point, he didn't want to. I think his arc is about accepting his aro-ness, but I'm not sure what that should look like as an endpoint.

 What was the thing I was saying to myself to feel better about going on adventures and doing ridiculous things? Was it just a "be your most ridiculous self" or something? I didn't get to the part of the interview that asked for my personal motto, but I realized I don't remember how I worded it. 

I just like parallels. The first two have been sitting in my drafts but I haven't had more. 

 Frank Ocean, "Chanel"
Joni Mitchell, "Both Sides Now"
Ani DiFranco, "In or Out"

Indigo Girls, "Southern California Is Your Girlfriend"
Dar Williams, "Southern California Wants To Be Western New York"

Amanda Palmer, "Lost"
Frank Ocean, "Lost"
Camp Cope, "Lost (Season One)"
LP, "Lost On You"
Carly Rae Jepsen, "Let's Get Lost"